This story is for you, G.

About a month ago, Mollie and I made a little "fairy" garden. We had some little seedlings coming up in a shallow pot and Mollie built a little house out of twigs and leaves for the fairies. She checked it and adjusted it for a week or so. Our yard is over-run with squirrels and we went out one day to "check" on the fairy garden and the little house was destroyed. I told Mollie the squirrels must have gotten into it and she said, "So that's why I haven't seen any fairies! Hrmph!" and stomped off.

Now, we plan to build a sturdier fairy house using glue and some nails.

Mollie received another dose of chemo today so it's been kind of blah. The highlight was Michelle bringing over a lasagna--it was delicious!

FYI- I put a list at the bottom of the page that has all the packages we have received. I just thought this would make it easier for everyone to know that the post office/fedex/ups had come through since it might take us a little while to get out thank yous or personal e mails.

Today was the big haircut. I cut my hair short a few months back, right after Lucy was born. Mollie came with me and said she *might* want to get hers cut too. It never happened... Now that she's starting to loose some of her golden locks (yes, it makes me tear up), we thought it might help if she cut it short. I guess nothing can really soften the blow.

Mollie asked if people would make fun of her because her hair was falling out. We talked about how some people might not understand why her hair is falling out, that, of course, we still love her, it's going to grow back, that she might want to wear hats or a wig so people won't notice ask much (if she wants to). Then, after this long, emotional conversation about her hair she said, "Well maybe I can wear leaves on my head because leaves are really pretty."

We're working on trying to meet some other kids going through chemo which would really help.

Anyway, I like her hair short- I think it looks cute (and so does Mollie). And the really good news is she likes wearing bandanas and other head coverings (thanks auntie Liv).

Laughter is the best medicine! Sorry for the blurry picture- I was laughing too hard at Princess Lucy to hold the camera still.

Mollie was a chatterbox today (normal!). She said she wants to go all over the planet some day. And she said she wants to be a doctor who can help people eat different foods when she grows up. Here she is before we went out for ice cream today.

We also watched "Why, Charlie Brown, Why?" today. It is pretty good and Mollie liked it. Linus befriends a little girl who finds out she has leukemia. The video very simply deals with a lot of issues. I was looking for something that we could use as a way to get Mollie to voice her feelings/questions. This might be it.

Is 4 too young for a camera? I think I want to get Mollie her own camera. I would love to see what she decides to take pictures of. She is very good at expressing herself verbally, but she's not always in the mood for talking. We've been getting a lot of "Leave me alone!" and "I don't want to talk about this right now!" So, I am looking for another way for Mollie to express herself. Art works too, but I think she would like a camera.

It was nice to have a weekend with no doctor/hospital visits. Mollie's moods really go up and down. She seems very lethargic and we're trying to figure out whether it's the chemo or depression (probably both). She says she wants to go to school, and she's not too interested in doing anything except watching T.V. and napping. It's hard to get her engaged in anything. Today she and I doctored up some of her stuffed animals and yesterday she got into an art project for a little while, but most of the time she was laying on the sofa.

Mollie did finally let me give her a shower today and we got all of the bandages off! Her appetite is good and she enjoys going outside. Today she and Matt bought a Radio Flyer wagon and we took it out for its maiden voyage after dinner (and I forgot the camera).

All of this is so heartbreaking. All Mollie knows is her "regular" life is over. She's not going to school, or ballet, or the Y. Aside from the docs saying that she couldn't, she's not feeling up to it. I know the importance of socialization and I wonder how this will affect her.

It's so hard to know how much we can push her to do routine things- like sitting at the table and eating dinner. The line between physical and emotional well-being in kids is very blurry. Limits and consistent discipline are important for kids; but when your child has a life-threatening disease and is taking drugs with horrible side effects, it's hard to be consistent.

My parents are leaving on Tuesday and Matt is going back to work tomorrow. With no family close by, all of the day to day stuff is going to be my responsibility. How ironic is it that THIS was going to be the year we moved to CA to be closer to family? Three weeks ago we were talking about how fall might be the best time to try to sell the house, quit jobs, etc. On the one hand I'm so glad we're in a stable situation because we have a home, health insurance, friends in the community, etc. On the other hand, we need family more than ever right now, and they live 3000 miles away. Sometimes I just want to throw something at the wall (preferably something that will make a loud noise and break into a million pieces)!