Ups and Downs

Mollie is definitely on an 'up' right now. The Dance Marathon event on Saturday was a hit with our kids. They had lots of treats to eat and a giant box of Legos. Mollie was too shy to interact with the team of college students dancing just f0r her, but all in all I think she had fun.

Another 'up'- we've been enjoying the Olympics. Mollie likes figure skating the best and now wants to try ice skating. Hmmm, we'll have to find a place to give it a try.

The 'downs' from the title mostly refer to me (Sarah). I am not a whiner, but I think I need to just take a minute to get this out. I am having a hard time dealing with everything on my plate right now. For those who don't know, we are relocating to Charlotte, NC in a few months (for Matt's job). So on top of taking care of 3 kids, one with cancer patient and one infant, I am trying to plan a move. To purge, organize, think about selling our house in this economy, and figure out how I'm going to do it all. And I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. I find myself letting my thoughts drift too far into the future and getting worried about, well, just about everything- Mollie's long term health, money, things that I can't control. I so wish we lived closer to our families who I know would help us out.

Okay, vent over. Tomorrow, Mollie has her spinal tap (which means she must fast after dinner tonight). She's down to 3 left! I can hardly believe that the end of treatment is in sight. It is very emotional; we are so excited for her to be done with the toxic chemo, but it is not over. It will never be over. There are 5 years of follow up, including monthly clinic visits for blood tests the first year, but I don't think I'll ever be able to stop worrying about relapse, side effects, or secondary cancers.

When I told Mollie that she had a spinal tomorrow, she said, "Yay! I get the sleepy medicine and get to pick out a toy!" See, I ended this post on a high note!


  1. NC - well congratulations, I know a few people around raleigh if you ever need a hand, supposed to be a great state! I'm not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed, that's a lot to deal with! I'm so excited she's only got 3 more spinal taps to go, it may not be the very end, but I always find goals to be good! Long way away, but let me know if there is anything I can do - happy to russell up the friends I have in Raleigh for you!

  2. Thinking of you! You and Matt are so amazing with everything life has dealt you and I'm sure you will rise to this challenge as well. Glad you can vent out the lows though...it's important and glad you can have a some highs to keep you going. Cheering you onward!!

  3. Can't imagine how you get as much done as you do, even if you don't feel that way. Maybe making a (mental?) list at the end of each day of what you were successful at would help you to feel accomplished? Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! Looking forward to seeing everyone in a few days :)

  4. Sarah, I don't know how you do all you do. I will be keeping you at the top of my prayer list.

    It must be something in the air this week. The future which I have no control over has been on my mind a lot this week and possibly Carrie's too. I re-read the possible side effects and cringe thinking that my baby may have to endure this beast again. Urgh!

    I'm so thankful that our children seem to "like" spinal taps. This makes it so much easier to deal with. Three more taps, that's fabulous. Praying all goes well and a clear report is found.

    Always Praying!


  5. sarah, i am crying. i am glad you were able to share that, because you know i have wondered how you were going to manage. "because i have to" you told me. you have to do it all and i am sorry i can't be there to help.
    and core treatments almost over? i cannot believe it. what an amazing you and matt have created and nurtured in mollie. i am moved every day by you to be more appreciative and a better mom to my own kids.

  6. Somehow, a quote for the day is sent to me daily. This one arrived today. "Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
    – Virginia Satir
    Remember, your freedom to choose how you will respond can never be taken away from you. All of my love, MIL

  7. Hi Sarah,
    It's really good to get your feelings out on the blog. You know there are so many people who are cheering you and your family on. Us moms can't handle evertyhing all the time, but we try our best. The down moments are good because it's NORMAL. I know your day will get better.

    Karen S.

  8. Matt, Sarah, Mollie, Lucy, Liam,
    Just want to let you know that I am "in your corner".
    I will do whatever I can to help.
    Love you all.

  9. Hi Sarah,

    I am sorry you are so overwhelmed. I wish I could be there more for you right now. A few more weeks of school stuff and then I can help you with stuff. Oh, and take that piano off of your hands!!



Comments are always welcome!