Wishing a very happy birthday to my Dad!
Two weeks ago, when I went to the pharmacy to pick up a new prescription for Septra (the antibiotic that Mollie still takes), I brought the remainder of Mollie's chemo drugs, the 6 MP, methotrexate, and dexamethasone, for disposal. This was a big step for me. Those vials had been sitting out, waiting for me to take care of them, for weeks. Since mid- August, actually. I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was that nagging thought: What if she relapses? These drugs are expensive and we might need them. So I ignored the thought and I ignored the vials.
Finally, I screwed up enough courage and unceremoniously dropped them off at the pharmacy. Done. Freed up some counter space.
It has been exactly 2 months since the end of Mollie's treatment. This is the longest she has been without chemo since her diagnosis, and she is feeling good. The skin irritation is improving. She is happy as a lark most of the time and is settling in to our new life. Occasionally, she wakes us up in middle of the night asking if we forgot her medicine. For the most part, I don't think twice about her medicine before going to bed; I am so over that. However, the downside of that is that we are always forgetting the Septra. Giving a medication just 3 days a week is so much more cumbersome than giving it every day because there is no routine.
Incidentally, I also scheduled her port removal surgery today. November 17. Twenty-nine months after her port was placed. Two years ago, when Mollie was going through some of her harshest chemo and was bald and feeling crappy, I promised that she could get her ears pierced when she finished treatment. Dr. Howell agreed to pierce her ears while she is under anesthesia so she won't even have to feel the pain. Score!
She is looking forward to the surgery, having now experienced a regular blood draw from her arm. We all are looking forward to putting that chapter behind us. I want to be happy about it. I am happy about it, but I'm also scared to be happy. Make sense?
Dear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteIt makes so much sense. You and Matt are amazing!! I'm sure you are hoping that treatment is over and are afraid that it isn't, how cold you think otherwise? I am in awe of you!
Love and Hugs to all,
Holly
Complete sense. Sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteHappy living, friend.
Nicola
Totally makes sense, great for you for making several large strides to the new normal - yay! And i'm still smiling about the earrings, that's an awesome doctor you have there that will do that for you while she's under!
ReplyDeleteHi, Sarah,
ReplyDeleteWe live with that same panic. Fortunately, my husband and I take turns--one of us is optimistic at all times so that both of us can move on. I recommend the strategy! At four and a half months out, the panic is subsiding. I get greedier as time passes--I want the madness to be OVER. It is hard to imagine that it will ever be over--will I breathe more easily two years out? or three?--but I take comfort in how far we have all come. We look back at old pictures. It hurts to do so, but it reminds us that we have made progress.
Mollie is beautiful, and she is powerful. I hope you will have time and space to breathe soon.
It makes PERFECT sense to me. I hope the entire King family can ENJOY the new era.
ReplyDeleteIt makes so much sense.
ReplyDeleteI am ecstatic for you guys! No more fear of fever/port infections, chemo/meth/and dex are gone, and she gets her ears pierced==that ROCKS!!! I'm very proud of Mollie for letting them draw blood from her arm, Gage will not even talk about it, you are very brave Mollie.
We miss you guys!
Love,
Kicklighter's
It makes sense. As Nicola said, happy living.
ReplyDeleteBefore long this will all be a distant memory that you all have to try to recollect. All the best is ahead for you all!
ReplyDeleteI am just 'catching up'. Sarah, it makes perfect sense to me as well. You may never be free of the worry and concerns of these last years, but the times betweens bouts of great anxiety will increase. Your 'normal' for the last 2+ years was quite abnormal. I am guessing that it will take at least that long to return to the normal of today. Be gentle with yourself; give yourself permission to experience panic attacks. You (and Matt) are amazing!
ReplyDeleteHow special to honor Mollie's desires for pierced ears and to facilitate it so easily!
It does make sense! It's probably hard to just be happy and roll with that and then set aside an hour a day/week/whatever to think about your worries, but I'll be sending you some good vibes to do so :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your kinds words. Yes, we are excited but apprehensive at the same. It will be nice to see Nick back to himself. We are happy to hear Mollie is doing well and enjoying school. I know you mentioned you are planning your Make A Wish Trip. Have a great time....and enjoy every minute you can.
Take Care,
Karen Shannon (Nicholas's mom)